A LETTER TO MOM ON THE 3RD DEATH ANNIVERSARY

It doesn't need to be said but I’ll say it anyway. I miss you. I’ve got a photo of you and me in the house. I see it every day and say hello to you. It’s a shame you’re not able to respond.

A lot’s happened in three years, a lot I wish you’d been here to see and take part in. What you've been wishing for is already granted. We’re getting married soon and even though you’d probably roll your eyes at the idea, I’m sure you’d nevertheless get choked up at the ceremony.

Of course, there have been some tough times, not the least of which has to do with you not being here. I remind myself though, that I had you for 32 years and it’s a lot more than some people get with their parents. I feel bad that Yankees and Jj didn't get as long with you but I know you tried, your strength, holding on as long as you did, was amazing. We shouldn't have been surprised though.

Sometimes I wish I’d told you more what you mean to me. I think you already knew and, in light of what you were going through, it seemed cruel to tell you how much you mattered and how sad we’d be once you were gone. No doubt you knew something of what you were going to miss and, when I think about it, that sense of futility and inevitability fills me with immense sadness and tears come even though I don’t want them to.

But then I think of you and how strong you were and how tears, if one must have them, shouldn't last long because there are better things to do than weep.

When good things happen, I wonder at your part in them. When times are bad, I think of you and either, by way of your example, or of what you went through, whatever I’m going through doesn't seem so tough.

This is probably too much soppiness and sentimentality for you, so instead I’ll sign off with a few paraphrased words I spoke at your funeral (which was pretty good as far as funerals go, don’t you agree?), words that will always be true.

In the end, all I would like to say is that I feel blessed you were my mother, I am grateful for everything you did for me, and I will love you forever.